As I posted in the beginning, I want this blog to serve as a way to record our entire journey, not just the actual living in Germany part. I am, an always have been, a big planner. I love the research and scheming that goes into everything from grocery shopping to home improvement projects to big trips. So the planning, for me, is half the fun! It is also interesting to reflect on the process and the emotional journey, because that is often what is forgotten when we have reached our destination.
It all started when Tom was invited to visit the University in Luneburg in April 2010 to collaborate with an international panel in developing a Public Policy program of study at their university. Not long after he returned, his contact in Luneburg invited him to come and teach the coursework he has developed here, at OSU, as part of their new program. Fortunately, he would be teaching in English, as he has no German language background, other than what he's picked up in travels.
When he called me from work to tell me about this and to ask if I saw any reason why we couldn't, I felt a mix of excitement (love to travel) and trepidation (the work and anxiety involved in preparing my home and family for our leave, adjustment, and return and fear of loneliness in a foreign land). Another concern is that A is in the midst of transition from middle to high school; this is her last year in the school she has attended and with classmates she has known since kindergarten; she has graduation in June; because of the system of schools of choice, she and her friends could very well disperse to different high schools and the fall semester would be a big readjustment and settling-in time I wouldn't want her to miss.
After much contemplation and discussion and correspondence with the University contacts in Luneburg, we(I) became more excited about the adventure of it and viewed it as an opportunity we couldn't pass up. I am still anxious, when I allow myself to be, about the role I will play in this adventure. My experience with our six month sabbatical in Washington state was a lot of stressful organizing and work packing and making arrangements, settling into a new, temporary home, and struggling to find a balance between being a housekeeper in unfamiliar territory and having my own fulfilling purpose; all while being away from my friends, supportive community, and my "stuff". Tom was busily working on his writing or collaborating with colleagues and finding time to hang out with childhood buddies. The girls were in school most of the day and making friends. I found myself with many hours alone of either doing the same old parenting and housewife duties or not quite knowing what to do with myself. There were a lot of lonely times.
However, the Washington sabbatical also had opportunities that I otherwise wouldn't have had. I was released from most volunteer obligations and chores of home ownership. My mother-in-law was minutes away, so there was a new relationship to build and an ability to take advantage of having grandparents nearby, which I usually miss out here in Ohio. I spent longer visits with family in Oregon and Washington. And, the highlight: three weeks with my mother in England and Scotland!
So, as we worked through these trepidations and Tom worked out details with colleagues at OSU and corresponded further with the U. at Luneberg, we decided to not say anything to the kids and only let it slip to a few friends and family. This was one of those parenting moments where the "doing the right thing" was not easy to define. On the one hand, knowing my girls, I knew there was going to be resistance and a lot of worry. There were going to be a lot of questions to which I had no answers, yet. On the other hand, I didn't want to just make this big decision without any kind of input from them, even though, ultimately, it was more of a grown-up decision. Finally, as everything seemed to be progressing and we were all registered in German language classes, Tom and I decided to break the news to the girls.
We expected some negative responses, especially from A; both girls are reserved around strangers and take a while to make new friends, but A, like her father, takes awhile to embrace change. Not that A isn't adventurous nor enjoys new experiences, I just knew that she would have the most reservations about leaving all that is familiar, especially her friends and school. So, we weren't surprised when they both reacted with anxiety to the whole idea and even tried negotiating for ways to get out of it. Once we got out the map and started talking about exactly where we were going and the possibility of exploring other countries in Europe, however, R brightened up and got caught up in the adventure.
I was braced for a couple of days (Tom thought weeks) of stormy weather, and planned to give A a couple of days of contemplation before we talked again, but she restarted the conversation the next night, much to my relief. As I feared, she was upset that we hadn't given her more say (insert mom-guilt) and really wanted to be assured that she could come back to Ohio to participate in the middle school graduation. As our conversations have continued over the weeks since, it has felt good to talk about all of our feelings of uncertainty and excitement. I also feel some reassurance that "doing the right thing" parenting-wise is more a matter of knowing your kids, yourself and your family and your instinct about what works for these unique individuals.
One last paragraph before I end this terribly long post. We are forging ahead as if this trip is really going to happen, when in fact, there is still a lot left unsettled. Tom is still in conversation with the contacts in Luneberg and nothing has been put to contract. I read somewhere that, while Germans are punctual, they can take a long time conducting business, which appears to be the case here. I am a bit frustrated, as there are arrangements I would like to start making (like talking with the girl's teachers and principal) yet I don't want to get too caught up in the planning only to have the deal fall through. I am terrible about getting my hopes up too soon only to be disappointed by the unexpected!
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