Voices

Sunday was very busy with activities that did not involve much packing or preparation for Germany.  One of those activities included attending church.  Since this was our last opportunity to attend church before we leave, I really wanted to make it to the service.  Sometimes one or all of us will skip church when things get especially hectic and a couple hours at home (quiet, alone) seems like a good idea or use of time.  I knew there was a possibility that this would be the case this week, but I also knew that it would be the only chance I would have for a while to find respite and reflection.

I was very close to not going.  I  had hopes of getting some things done in the morning before the 11:00 service, but, as it turned out, timing did not go as planned (surprise, surprise?!) and I felt frustrated knowing that the rest of the day would be filled with back-to-back activity until possibly after dinner.  An hour or two to myself at home, to get things done, sounded like a good way to ease the stress.  However, sitting among other adults in the Worship Center, allowing (or forcing) myself to focus on something else was something I knew I also needed.  So, I went.

I am glad I went, because the Service topic was something I needed to hear.  Isn't it funny how it turns out that way?  Our Rev. Mark Bellitini spoke about listening to the "Inner Voice", that voice that tells you the Truth about what you need to be happy and fulfilled, as well as telling you that something isn't right for you or that changes are necessary.  This is a voice that only you can hear and interpret. Some would call that voice God, but that is not part of my Truth.  I am not explaining it as eloquently as Mark, but it was something that I needed to hear and reflect on, especially now.

I am running around these days with this voice in my heart, saying, "I don't like this way of being in the world and with those people I love".  I reply back that this is only temporary, that when we take off for Germany and leave the clutter of our lives behind, things will calm down and we can focus on what is important.  I will have time to really play games with O, read with R, and really talk with A.  And Tom and I can spend time together, not just playing tag-team parenting.

However, I know that I have heard this voice quite frequently, even when not preparing for Germany.  My life is so full, its like I have eaten from an all-you-can-eat buffet and at the end of the meal, rather than feeling satisfied, I feel discomfort and regret.

I am looking forward to this opportunity to take a five month step back from my everyday life.  I want to look at it from a new perspective, both from a distance and through the view of a different culture.  I want to have the quiet to listen to that inner voice and to have a starting point to make positive changes in my life.